I have never been addicted to tobacco, and I have always been surrounded by it.
With you I became addicted, addicted to you and to the cigarette after sex.
I met you one summer, I was still a student and you were an experienced woman, you put my eye on me, I suppose because at the same time I had also put it on you. I was overwhelmed by the heat, by the music and by the agglomeration of the place. You read my discomfort and you smiled and smiled at me mockingly. I looked down embarrassed by your direct gaze and tried to take refuge in the bathroom but you followed me without being aware of it so on leaving I was very surprised to see you. I turned red and could not react.
You soon took charge of the situation:
“You look like a penguin in the desert.”
“Thanks” I managed to respond with a nervous giggle with such a situation.
“Let’s go outside?”
I followed you docilely and fascinated by your person.
“I do not think either of them is comfortable”
I nodded, looked inside looking for my friends who had not even noticed that I had disappeared and I snorted.
You laughed willingly and looked inward looking for a man talking to another.
“They do not miss me either”
Because of your smile I did not think you cared at all.
You told me that you were with your husband and a friend of his, you told me that you wanted to have fun and finish the night well but that friend had annoyed everything.
“Until I saw you”
Your cheeky smile returned to blush but I liked … I liked your smile and your irony.
“I would like to invite you to my house, if you want …”
“And your husband?”
“It will take a long time to come”
You kissed my cheek, you took my hand and you took me to get a taxi. Once inside, we both warned our companies not to worry about us.
Sitting next to you, I could smell your perfume and contemplate you in profile, admire your well-groomed dark brown hair, your well-outlined currant lips, your long lashes, your beautiful legs and your enviable silhouette.
Without looking at me you pulled a strand of hair with mischief with your eternal ironic smile of immaculate teeth. You seemed perfect to me.
We arrived at your house and you went into the bathroom while you let me walk around your apartment. Decorated with good taste but simple and functional.
You came wrapped in a black towel and you kissed my lips.
“Are you comfortable?”
I nodded admiringly at seeing your body half naked.
“I’d like to take a shower myself too” I guessed right.
You raised an eyebrow and smiled again.
“You do not need it, you’re pure”
You looked at my sneakers that lay on the floor that I had removed without unraveling and the colors rose again.
You took my hand and took me to your room, where very slowly you undressed me whole. You kissed me and stroked your shoulders, with your hand you covered my neck and nape, you came to my hair entangling your fingers in it. He willingly let me do it, took my chin and brought your lips to mine melting into a long wet kiss.
You came back to my shoulders and began to kiss my freckles and moles down my back, you invited me to lie on the bed with my back resting on the mattress with my legs spread and flexed to contemplate me calmly and long.
You took your time to caress me and give me pleasure, until you got rid of your towel and approached your body to mine, we merged in a hug, and your caresses became more intense and you continued with your lips, your tongue until discovering my sex, You played with my lips and my mountain, you smiled when you noticed me wet, after a good game time you skillfully introduced a pair of fingers in my vagina and followed, followed, followed with your fingers inside me and your tongue in my clitoris until I exploded …
Then you lay down next to me and we gave each other a long hug, we interlaced our legs and we played like that for a while while we did not stop kissing. Your wet kisses caused your saliva to pay off on my face and I felt how both our sexes and our thighs were moistened while we rubbed, then I went down your neck and licked your breasts, waist and hip with delight and devotion until I arrived to your sex that I kissed, I bit, I licked until you started to tremble and between sighs more and more intense and the rise and fall of your chest accelerated by the breath ended unleashing in a strong orgasm.
We finished exhausted, then you opened the drawer of the bedside table and lit a cigarette, after a drag you looked at me:
I accepted and we shared it. We were talking a long time, about your life and mine. That’s how I found out you were a literature teacher and you reminded me of my good relationship with my previous teachers. You recommended books to me and you corrected me often with that look and that smirk. You loved to bite me!
That was only the beginning of a relationship that would last a year and a half. We always stayed when you were doing well: only twice a week, even in that you were perfect and precise. We were walking We ate together, we went to the movies, to the theater, libraries, bookstores, museums and in your apartment you only wanted sex and cigarettes. So you told me clearly.
I was forbidden to kiss you in public in the street or to hold your hand, as much as you came to take me by the arm on some occasion but as two good friends, nothing more.
I remember one day that I wanted to get especially nice to go see you. I could not help but feel like an ugly duckling by your side, a dog flutes …
I took great pains to get dressed, perfumed, makeup and go to the hairdresser to smooth my indomitable hair. I wanted to make a good impression.
That day you were very serious and absent until we got to your apartment.
“What’s happening to you?” I asked worried
“What’s wrong with you? What have you disguised?”
I was speechless and I explained to you that I had arranged for you specifically to surprise you.
“Well, you got it, silly” and you pulled my hair like you used to do to sting me “You see, it’s not the same … Your curls lend themselves to jerks”
You took me by the hand and you took me to the bathroom, you undressed me, you stripped me off, you took off my nail polish, you finally got in the bathtub with me and while you washed my hair you started to sob.
“I like you, I like you because you’re not like me,”
You cried bitterly and repeated “I do not want you to be like me, you are free”
Then I watched with horror your body full of purples.
“Who did that to you?” I shouted angrily. “Was it him? Does he put his hand on you?”
“You would not understand”
“Try to see!” It was hard for me to breathe when I made an effort not to cry. She was the strong one, my teacher, I could not bear to see her in those conditions, I was not going to allow her ..
I had to allow it and I never understood it. You had been enduring mistreatment of your husband for some time and you had already denounced him but you came back with the promise that he would change.
I begged you to leave your husband and come with me.
At that time I lost count of the times I told you I love you and your answer was to take a puff on that cigarette with a lost look.
I was content to spend two days a week by your side, at least it convinced me that you were fine when we were together and suffered a lot when I knew you with him.
One day you lost patience.
“Go your way” You spit on me “I do not want to waste your time, I do not like women.”
“I do not either” I screamed tears “I also like men, but I like you and I can not help it”
You were stupefied, all this time you had thought that I only liked women, that I was a lesbian.
I understood that I had become addicted to you … That’s how you understood it.
You cut the relationship for good and we said goodbye between kisses and tears. For me it was super painful, I missed your smile, your hair pulling, your conversations, the warmth and the embrace of your body and those shared cigarettes after sex.
So much was my addiction and my emptiness that I started having sex with anyone, I became an uncontrolled promiscuous and always carried a pack of cigarettes on top. It did not matter if the person liked me or not if I enjoyed the relationship or not just wanted to finish and smoke that cigarette in silence with a lost look. My relationships then ended with the consumption of cigarettes.
After a year, one day I saw you on the street, you were holding a woman’s arm, you saw me, you smiled at me in the distance, you raised an eyebrow in an accomplice way, you stopped and kissed that woman.
So I knew that you were not with your husband anymore, that you were free and somehow you had led a new life. I played with a lock of my curls while looking at you ecstatic and nostalgic at the same time, I felt that kiss as if it were addressed to me and I was happy to see you happy. We gave each other a last smile and walked away, not only could I say goodbye to you but I could finally put out that damn cigarette that burned me so much inside.